advice needed

[maat2]

Hi I would like to ask everyone's opinion on the following:
We have 12 new 2 year olds that started with us 6 weeks ago. One of our girls had hit another child last week and the key worker had pulled the mam about her. I said that I wouldn't of spoken to the mam as the girl was totally new to our setting (she only attends two three hour sessions a week and has had a week off due to illness), has no siblings or friends so wasn't used to sharing or being around other children. Her mam was so upset by the incident that she told her daughter off and took her toys away.
Today the same girl and another girl started fighting over a toy and the girl left a mark on the other girls face. The key worker spoke to the parent again who again was horrified. Now I am not sure whether the parents should of been told as are children aware of their feelings etc at 2 years old surely it would've been better to make a quick mention of it to the child and use positive praise to the child when she does something good? For goodness sake she is barely two ? or I am wrong and the key worker right?

[Ruthierhyme]

Hi, personally I feel you're both right. Each set of parents has the right to know how their child's day went both positively & not so and yes at 2 years old communication is still very much in its infancy and understanding right & wrong/moral development is more likely to be seen at around 4 yrs old.

This quote is from page 330 of the new workbased learners handbook 'Morality is a set of beliefs about what is wrong and right. These in turn determine our behaviours. Young children tend not to have a belief system of their own. Instead, between birth and 4 years it is thought that they work out what is right and wrong according to the reactions of adults around them in a very primitive way'.

One way that A. Bandura's social learning and role model theories might arguably play out in your situation is that a parent punishes the child for not doing the right thing eg. electing not to hit, so a child comes to learn that it's acceptable to punish/hurt another emotionally or physically for not doing what they feel is the right thing, that could be a peer not handing over a toy when a child asks for it.

Do you have any story books or ways of working that you can share with your horrified parent so that their reaction to this type of news now & for the future is reasoned and that they know you're always there to talk things through with them?

xx

[maat2]

I am sure our little girl will not understand what she did wrong 2 hours after the incident and I don't think it helps the child by telling the parent every time their child does something wrong, surely if we deal with the situation when it happens then it has been dealt with and we are to move on?

[Ruthierhyme]

I completely agree, to discuss how and if the first incident needed to be shared is hypothetical, you're now dealing with the aftermath of a colleagues decision. do you know if they explained all the potential reasons for the hit as you have here? The second incident involved leaving a physical mark which would involve the setting's accident & injuries policy, what/when to report and if a keyperson's, parental signatures are required.

What you're after is a balance between focussing on celebrating achievements and managing the negatives/supporting children's positive behaviour. It's also good to know that parents are comfortable coping with the information they're about to be given.

For future occasions can you request a group meeting and raise your concerns? maybe find out why the parent was told so quickly, what your 2 year old progress check covers, work out colleagues expectations for children's behaviour and also when it's felt appropriate to share information in your setting eg. when a parent asks or the situation has caused harm.

Best wishes

[maat2]

Thank you Ruthierhyme